THE NEED AND THE HOPE

This past week has been pretty difficult. Michelle is going through a period where she is beginning to see the goodness of speaking the truth about her emotions to me, and more importantly to herself.

The difficulty lies in the apparent depression that the reality of the new emotions brings to her. This in turn brings about harsh words to me.

The conflicts have increased and increased in intensity over the last 2 weeks. The harsh words from her peeked on Monday, we had counseling on Tuesday, and then more words again on Wednesday.

This morning (Thursday) was rough for me. I couldn’t put my finger on it, but I couldn’t talk at the gym without feeling as if I was going to cry. Once done with the gym, I felt a pressure in my chest like I couldn’t breathe or get a good breath. I would describe it as recognizing that I needed a good, hard cry. We went for a walk, and it really didn’t get any better.

When we got home from the walk, I felt a good, cold shower would be good for me. While I was in the shower, I was thinking about what I really “needed” Michelle to do for me. And it was at that point that I realized that the LORD provides all of my needs. What I need is Him. I need nothing else. It is something that Michelle recognized many years ago. It is a concept that I have known and felt that I lived by, but I realize that is not the case.

I believe the application of this in my life will allow me to demonstrate love in a more pure way to those around me. Regardless of the words spoken by others, when I know the Father love’s me, I can stand next to Him when the “mean” person accuses me, calls me names, or whatever else negative communication may come my way. It means I can serve those who the world may not want to serve, because the Father will provide what I need, and when He doesn’t provide my earthly requirements, I will be in the presence.

It gives me freedom to demonstrate love to Michelle without demanding she do the same in return. It makes this demonstration from her a bonus for me, because the Father makes provision for my needs: physical, emotional, and spiritual.

My hope is in Him. My prayer to Him is that He provides a way (that Michelle and I follow the way He provide) for us to follow in our marriage that will glorify Him.

And now I find that I can breath again…

THE STRUGGLE

Real or perceived it's there. The struggle of time. The struggle of how to use it...time. The struggle with enjoying the time I've been giving in this life or not. The struggle of making the most of this life or not. The struggle of worrying about the outcome of things I have control over or not.

I believe the words of the Bible to be true. The Word asks me to consider if my worrying can add even one hour to my life. I'm currently sitting at a little more than 398,500 hours. The question is about 1 hour...can my worry add one hour. The obvious answer is no. At my current hourly age, one more hour would be an increase of 0.000250941029 of a percent. I just did that math on a calculator. All the worry and frustration in the world can't add a minuscule percent of time to my life.

So I have stopped with looking at the anger of Facebook, the worry of Facebook, and the worry of whatever political party one is involved with. I have been sent links from folks of the same faith who call one person a heretic and another link with the same person a saint. Silly...really.

Here is what I've done with my time. I've read a book of fiction that focuses on the end of time events. I enjoy it, because although it is fictional, it gets me thinking on things that are greater than this life. I've spent more time playing and enjoying video games with my son. I've had meaningful conversations with my wife. Significant conversations with her, because, frankly, our ability to communicate with each other is currently jacked up! I look forward to our growing in grace and trust in the Lord as we learn to be more like Him in the midst of this struggle.

I said I wasn't getting back on to Facebook until after the first of 2017. My wife told me about a friend that said I should blog. I was touched by my friends words, and I took them to heart.

So here ya go, Janean! Thank you for the encouragement!